In November of the year 2003, I left my job at the Unit Trust of India after working there for 12 years. I had had two operations, one major and the other minor in the past 1 ½ years. My vitality was at a low ebb. At that point of time, there was only one thought in my mind, I must start meditation. I fervently prayed to God to send a Guru, who would guide me in my spiritual life, which I was yearning to start.
I was aware of Gurumaa’s talks on the TV and sometimes listened to these. It was also my practice to attend the programmes of saints visiting the city of Kolkata where I live, if possible, for atleast a day. In February of 2004, my future Guru, Anandmurti Gurumaa arrived in Kolkata to give her discourse for the first time. I attended her discourse for two days out of the 5 days she was there. My first live interaction with her was transforming. As Gurumaa said, those who were able to imbibe what she said would feel a tremble in their bodies, a softness in their hearts and tears in their eyes. Friends, this is what happened to me when I first saw and heard her live! When she got up to leave with her characteristic namaskar, I surged forward with thousands of others to catch a closer glimpse of her and also offer my pranams to this noble soul who had made a dent somewhere in my mind.
Unfortunately, I could not get deeksha during this visit of hers. However, I pledged that I would start doing seva for my Guru immediately. I requested the organizers to give me some work. I was given the task of making a list of the participants of the ‘Amrit Varsha’ satsang which had just concluded. I was offered money to do this ‘seva’, but politely declined, offering this seva at the feet of my Guru. I joined the group which started regular weekly meditation in Kolkata. To my surprise, I found myself going into deep meditation right from day one. Such was the grace of my Guru. Throughout the year, I continued meditation at home as well as at the Centre. During this time, I started working again as I got an assignment as an HR Consultant with an NGO, which had been my inner wish after leaving my full-time job.
As winter approached, we got the news that Gurumaa was gracing us with her presence yet again this year! With hearts full of happiness, we started preparations for our Guru’s coming. We visited and called up people, inviting them to the programme and accepting their contributions. I also gave my name for seva during the satsang. When the auspicious day arrived, I was given seva in the VIP Book Store. I cannot tell what joy and enthusiasm I experienced during this seva, along with my other co-devotees, even though our darshan and listening to her discourses was almost impossible since our stall was outside the pandal and we had to really concentrate to even listen to her voice!On the last day, deeksha was announced and I was among the privileged ones to be accorded initiation.
In June, our party proceeded to Gurumaa Ashram for the Eastern Region Dhyan Shivir. Each moment of ours passed with remembrance of our Guru and the wait seemed interminable till we reached the Ashram.
My first sight of the Ashram filled me with awe that such a vast and beautiful structure could have been built in the wilderness. I along with our group of devotees who had come to the Ashram for the first time, visited each part of the Ashram and interacted with the sevadaars with utmost humility and devotion. We could not wait for the Gurumandir to open so that we could have darshan there and kept standing there and offering our obeisance till we were asked to go to our rooms, take lunch and rest in the afternoon.
I loved the metal bed allotted to me along with the built-in cupboard under it to keep my belongings. I went around to all the buildings – Gyaaneshwar Aavas was where I was put up, Nanak Dhaam and all the buildings named after rivers and found the atmosphere serene and full of energy.
I appreciated the hard work done by Gurumaa and her devotees in building up the Ashram from scratch. As I entered the Sambuddh Sabhagar for the first time to attend the shivir, I felt detached from those who vied to get a seat closer to the platform. I just sat in a corner and gazed at my Guru and imbibed the knowledge that poured from her lips. After meditation, I felt myself not wanting to leave the hall. However, when she gave darshan at the Madhushala, I vied for her attention by raising my hand, moving forward just to have a word with her and was like ‘ tan man hoye nihaala’ when she smiled and reciprocated(merey sadguru deendayala). I also felt her affection through the friendliness and closeness of other devotees.
The morning and evening aartis were magical moments which left us entranced and we never felt like leaving the spot.
On the last day of the program, our group sang a Rabindra Sangeet for Gurumaa and we could feel her blessings in the way she looked at each one of us with her inward gaze and divine smile. I loved the way devotees put up their palms to receive the roti offered as Prasad in the Annapurna community kitchen.
Ofcourse, needless to say, this visit made a tremendous impact on my spiritual development and for days afterwards I felt like remaining in meditation day and night, feeling the presence of my Guru. We left the Ashram, vowing to come back soon and reveling in the grace and serenity flowing from this messenger from God – our Guru, and wondered how much more full of beauty and grace God would be. We felt as if we had got a glimpse of God himself!
Jai Gurudev!
Seema
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